Friday, 11 August 2017

Off day...

Ridiculous first world/first world girl stuff vent. Allow me to get it off my chest.

This whole menopause thing pretty much sucks. I've never weighed so much in my life, but I'm not overweight although I feel it. It's mostly bloat - I feel bloated enough to float away some days! It's so frustrating. Literally the only pants I can fit into at the moment are my yoga pants, and even they're starting to become slightly uncomfortable.

And I'm fatigued. So tired I can't even think about thinking! I'm in that cycle of feeling so fatigued I just want to sleep and feeling like I've got permanent PMS, so I'm eating mostly sugar and salty (you know the drill, chocolate then chips, chocolate then chips, etc.) and then feeling worse than ever. I KNOW - genuinely, honestly, intellectually and realistically KNOW - that it's not helping. Not even a little bit. In fact, it's making things worse.

I'm contemplating another No Sugar programme, but I have enough recipes for about 3 cookbooks worth (plus three ACTUAL cookbooks) that I'm already not using, so will probably forego that and simply try to find the motivation to do it on my own.

I'm feeling frustrated that real estate feels entirely out of my reach, in every respect - my cousins and I were commiserating the other day. Even they, with a good income and dual incomes respectively both said that if they were trying to get onto the ladder now, they're pretty sure it wouldn't be possible. That makes me feel a BIT better. Certainly, though, my sister and I are feeling frustrated, feeling it felt easier in Canada, although I'm not sure that's necessarily the case anymore (depending on where you live). Whitehorse was more or less out of my reach at the time I left - I was lucky I had a fantastic landlady who valued quality tenants over rental income. My sister is getting fed up with moving around constantly but is in the position of needing a steady job to get accommodation and needing accommodation to get a steady job. I'm slightly ahead with the steady job, but it doesn't get me much further ahead as there's honestly not much out there. I've printed off paperwork to apply for council housing, but there are years' long waitlists for that although if I don't put my name on a list, I'll never be eligible. Southampton, for example, has a 7-year waitlist for one-bedroom accommodation.

I suppose I just feel I should be further ahead than I am at 50 and lodging with a cousin. You know?

Searching out people I've gone to school with doesn't help either. All the ones I've found are Successful and have Real Jobs and Careers (thanks to my mother to comparing us constantly to 'better, smarter, more polite, nicer' kids while we were growing up).

I'm bored and kind of fed up with my job but am feeling loyal to employers who are, overall, very good people. My quandary: I want to move on, but I simply don't know what I want to do.

Plus I went out for dinner last night and ate way too much. W-A-Y too much. So I'm feeling fat(ter) now.


But these moments always motivate me - to an extent - to try to do things differently, make some changes, etc. Sometimes it even works. I know I need to change, it's just picking the thing to do first.

This'll pass. It always does. I'm really yearning, though, to have my own space again - wholly, totally, entirely my own. But what I have to gather right at the moment is patience. Another year and I think I'll be closer to that. I keep looking, and looking is fun, which keeps me going.

Thanks for the ear!


T'Pol said...

I understand what you are talking about when it comes to menopause. I have never been this weight before. I am obese so, you are luckier than I am. I felt bloated for months and after 3 months, I am having my period and it is horrible. I need to go to the bathroom like every hour. I also had mini disaster at night during the last couple of of nights. Nothing fits me. I am trying to stay away from sweets and salt. Very hard! But, it is a part of life. What can we do?

Northern Living Allowance said...

Ugh! I had that problem, which is why I had the ablation - talk to your doctor about it. It might be just what you're looking for! All the sweets and salt (and carbs? Wheat? Dairy?) is part of the underlying issue of my weight gain/bloat, I know, so have to make some very necessary changes. I just have to dig deep for that motivation. We'll make it, I know we will! xx

The One Income Dollar said...

I hear you! At 51 the weight had appeared overnight- well actually over the past year. and feeling run down, etc.. but I have super low iron that requires yearly infusions.
I did want to share though that I use LeVel Thrive products and they really do make me feel so much better. If anyone is interested they can reach out to me- or message for info.

Jennifer said...

I am right there with you! The weight gain recently and bloat is awful and I have taken to wearing just modified yoga pants. Unfortunately, I HAD the ablation and it did not take. It did help for some of the issues, but I still have a period sort of every month - I skip sometimes.

I think reasonable housing is starting to become a problem everywhere. My son struggles to get a place - he has to have roommates, but they are not wonderful. Owning a home is out of reach for many and we live in a relative low cost of living area. I empathize with your struggle.

Northern Living Allowance said...

Hi One Dollar! Thank you for stopping by and commenting. It's nice to know I'm not alone in this journey (I mean, I'm obviously not, but...well, you know what I mean, right?). Why have I not ever had a conversation about menopause before I got here? It's weird. Anyway, I, too, am low in iron (very anaemic, actually) and need at least 230mg of iron supplements a day to maintain. Part of my issue is that I haven't been taking them - I do notice the difference when I do, so I need to remember to do this. I hope your Thrive products continue to help xx

Hi Jennifer! Thanks for stopping by. Always nice to hear from you. Ablations don't always work, I was warned, but it has been a blessing for me for the most part. They did quite plainly say that I'd still get PMS, etc. and I sure do, but I just don't seem to have that 'down time' between episodes. It feels semi-permanent at the moment. *sigh*

As for housing, yes, I know it's an issue everywhere, not just here. The window of opportunity passed me about 20 years ago and yet there still appears to be a relatively thriving real estate market here, with young people buying places with quite hefty price tags. They obviously have better jobs than me! :P Anyway, I'm not worried as I said just frustrated. Hope your son can find some decent roommates. xx

Jane said...

Have you decided against that room you were going to rent? It's funny, sort of, Kazi and I were having a similar conversation tonight - she feels she and her boyfriend will never be able to afford a house of their own. The problem exists all over. London is much more reasonable than Toronto or Vancouver but still hard to access when you have other debts to consider like student loans, car loans and so on.
Menopause...well it's been 9 years for me since my last period and I don't miss it one little bit! I'd say the bloat does get a bit better over time and while I still have hot flashes it's not so often anymore so I guess the worst is over. I didn't do any hormone replacement therapy as my bone density is very good and I take the recommended Vitamin D and Calcium every night. Like you say you need to remember your iron - I used to take iron but have evened out probably due to not having periods anymore. It's not high enough that I can donate blood however, but high enough for a woman my age (so my doctor tells me) and I'm not fatigued at all. It's a frustrating time, in many ways. Don't get me started on Trump!!

Northern Living Allowance said...

Hi Jane! I decided to take the room, actually. I sent a message to the homeowner to say that, but because of commitments through September, I won't be able to take it until October 1. I also called and left a message for her but haven't heard anything back (going on two weeks now). I'm frustrated but will give it another week or so before sending a note to ask that if she has changed her mind to let me know, as I need to start looking elsewhere if that's the case. And the flat in Fordingbridge is still up for grabs! I'm keeping my eye on it but it would be reallyreallyreallyreally tight, particularly with my debt payments (a great reason to get rid of them). Anyway, something will work out, it always does, it's just a bit frustrating that's all. I am, however, in a good position in that my cousin won't kick me out, but I do need to be proactive about looking. I'm feeling much better today, though, and trying to consider rational changes that will help keep me both motivated and feeling more positive about things. It'll happen. :)

MW said...

As someone who just started her day with a chocolate mocha almond fudge coconut ice cream bar...I'm not in a position to offer any great advice...

I can only empathize with the cravings and the various internal mental excuses! Love the cartoon!

Fingers crossed you'll hear from the landlord. Hope it is just a case of her being away or busy with visitors recently.

Northern Living Allowance said...

Hi MW! What a delicious way to start your day! It sounds like something I would do, actually, so don't feel bad re: advice ;) I'm a great talker...ahem...I hope I hear from my potential landlord, too, and that's it just a case of her perhaps not getting the message I left or, as you say, busy or away or perhaps under the weather. I've been looking again today and there are some lovely places, although they're a bit further flung which isn't awful, but it's just that ideally I would be able to walk to work and save a little on car costs. Anyway, as I say, it'll work out, it always does. xx