I woke up this morning frustrated at my continuing situation of languishing in the pit of debt. One that I have, I admit, dug freely and enthusiastically by myself.
With Brexit looming (again. Still.) at the end of October - that ship being helmed and steered in some kind of direction (potentially straight into the 'no deal' iceberg) by the figure of, most likely, Boris Johnson ... *ahem* ... - and pundits and 'experts' on both sides of the aisle expressing concerns about food shortages, empty shelves, jobs disappearing, etc., I am starting to pay a lot more attention to what I currently owe (better late than never, I hope?). Taking on another loan in order to pay off my current ones somehow doesn't seem the best route at this point, but as I owe more than I make in a year, it's raised its head more urgently the past several weeks.
I could get a new job that pays me what I'm worth (or at least somewhat better), but despite my moaning, I'm not quite ready for that just yet, nor will it really free up a lot more money for me each month. While I enjoy my weekends, for the most part, I don't do much because I simply can't afford to. It's why I spend so much time reading. Apart from enjoying it so much, it's a cheap/free hobby and what I can afford.
To that end, I'm considering a second job. I've applied several times at the bookstore in Ringwood without success, unfortunately. Not necessarily a bad thing, as I found it a bit of a dangerous place to work before, what with decent product discounts. They are hiring a weekend bookseller again, however, 13.5 hrs a week, every weekend. I am reluctant because, a) my writing group meets on a Saturday, and I enjoy that far too much to step away from it even occasionally unless I genuinely can't avoid it, and b) the drive to Ringwood on weekends as well as during the week. It's only a half-hour, but wouldn't it be better to not to have to drive every single day, too?
So, with that in mind, I was fairly pleased to see a 'help wanted' kind of sign in the local Spar (a small convenience-store kind of place) which is a five-minute walk from the flat (!). Various hours which I'm sure I could work around without too much of an issue...hm. The minimum wage for those of us aged 26+ is £8.21 as of April (sadly, almost what I make in my f/t job if I break it down), which is fine for a second job. But do I want to kill myself for £300 +/- a month? Will it be worth it? Yes, IF I put the money I make towards hammering down my debt. There's no driving involved, so no extra petrol or wear and tear on the car; the shop is only open until 9 p.m. so just about my bedtime. I'm going to tweak my CV and call in at some point to see if I can talk to someone about it.
I want a flat and a cat(s) and some savings and be able to travel a little bit/have some fun. I don't have any of that at the moment. If it takes me six to eight months to clear the majority of my debt, then so be it. Will it absolutely suck? It absolutely will. But as I have no social life now, it will make no difference in that respect at all. I'm feeling very 'sacrificial' at the moment, but who knows? I may wake up tomorrow and feel very differently. I'm just trying to be practical, understanding that this debt is wholly mine and I hate it and I am determined to pay it off instead of taking another route, which I refuse to do. I want to retain a decent credit rating.
Back to working with the public (pardon me, but ugh). It doesn't feel particularly good, but working full-time does limit my p/t options somewhat, so this feels a bit like an opportunity to take advantage of.
I realise I'm the only one who can make the decision. The voice of Gail Vaz-Oxlade keeps rattling around my head, 'If you have debt, you need to do whatever you have to, to get rid of it.' I'm paraphrasing a bit, but that's the gist. I've tried to shift a few things online, but people only seem uber-keen if it's free, or maybe I'm just using the wrong sites. At any rate, I need to do SOMETHING and right now, this seems to be an option. There's no guarantee I'll even get a job, but I can at least try. A computer-generated 'staff wanted' sign smacks a bit of desperation, so I think I have at least a shot. They're obviously not inundated with resumes...
Otherwise, work has picked up a little bit this week with the director back in the office. Not by much, but a little, so that's something. Still no word about a review, though.
I got a free vacuum cleaner yesterday from a colleague who'd bought a new one and was going to donate her old one - a Dyson! It's a bit of a bigger and heavier upright than the one we originally had (and gave to Roomie E's colleagues when we moved in here). The previous tenant of our new flat left us his old one, but it's not great so I'm thrilled with the 'new' one. It had a fairly large hole in the hose, but I've put some packing tape around it and it should be fine. A Dyson - fantastic!
I was supposed to be at the cafe for a shift this morning but begged off yesterday because I've had such exceptionally poor sleep this week. I'm not sure why, but I keep waking up during the night, having slightly disturbing/disruptive dreams, etc. I felt utterly wretched yesterday and was actually a bit concerned about the drive home. It was fine, not too busy, but I very nearly took myself to bed at 6:45 (not kidding!!). I pushed myself to stay up until 9:00, and while I woke up once last night, I managed to fall asleep again and didn't wake up again until 7:00. I feel much better today, but just couldn't face a morning of coffee & tea making, no matter how much I enjoy it.
It was our downstairs neighbour's 95th birthday yesterday. I bought a card and a couple of cupcakes for her from both of us. Her son and his husband were here for a couple of days, and she showed me the decorations they'd put up for her when I went to see her this morning. She'd had 20 cards, which is a pretty substantial number considering her age, and they'd gone to a party last night where she'd seen some friends she's known for about 70 years! Amazing.
The book is making very slow progress. I've stalled again, although I can feel the ideas and thoughts bubbling away inside. Frustrated is the best way to describe how I'm feeling about it. I KNOW it's there, I can quite literally feel it, but I can't seem to get it out how I want it. I'm quite probably overthinking it all...
Anyway, I hope you all have a lovely weekend. The weather here is finally doing 'summer', at least for the next ten days or so, so that's something.