Saturday, 20 February 2010

I'm late but I'm giving something up!

I never remember when it is anymore (and am honestly not sure I ever remembered even when it was 'required'). My mother usually phones and asks what I'm giving up for Lent and I usually answer with "nothing."

This year, however, I am totally stealing Pam's idea (sorry, Pam & thank you!). It appears I'm not the only one having (ex)boyfriend issues and I think she's doing a wonderful thing for herself by spending the next 40 days and 40 nights doing nothing but what she wants, taking care of her needs first. Arual is doing something very similar (only without male impetus, I believe). This is awesome.

I have decided that I need this time with NO CONTACT between D & me: no texting, no emails, no FB, nothing. It was getting a bit over the top before he left for the mine on Thursday and he was sitting on the plane when he told me he got me a kitten!! "You wanted one," he texts. Sure I want a kitten. I'd love 100 kittens, but THIS IS NOT THE TIME. I don't want a kitten on a whim or as a tool of emotional blackmail. I want a kitten because I love cats, but there's just not room in my life for a little one right now.

So, I am going to send him a note to say that I am cutting off all communication until after Easter. I don't want to block him (not yet, anyway). I don't hate him, but I need time to work on myself because this has been a HUGE wake up & shake up for me. This is going to be my uber-selfish time where I do nothing but focus on what I want and what I need to work on so I can move forward.

Overall, I feel good. I really do (at least for now. I'm certain there's a surge of emotions just waiting to rise to the surface and blow). There is no doubt that I did the right thing and I'm feeling very clear headed about where I want to go from here. But I have a lot of work to do. And I'm ready for it!


Laura said...

Excellent will be tough at times, but you have the support of your Internet community! I am cheering you on :)

paradigmshifted said...

not selfish at all. if we don't look out for ourselves, who will? take as much as you need for this. maybe the rest of your life. you can never have too much self-love. :)

Middle Way said...

You know how they tell you to give yourself the oxygen mask first on a plane before helping others...

I feel you are making a very wise decision to allow yourself settle down inside and out and to get re-acquainted with your inner voice again.

Perhaps the move with the kitten is an attempt on his part to keep a bond there and to avoid letting go himself -- may tell you more about where he is at mentally/emotionally. I agree, it wouldn't be fair to the kitty.

T'Pol said...

Great idea! I believe a healthy amount of selfishness is necessary. One must know when to say "No!" for peace of mind and sanity. May be I should not say this because it may confuse you but I believe "Once a cheater, always a cheater". That has been my personal experience more than once.

I am glad you are standing up for youself and not giving in so easily.

notesfromthefrugaltrenches said...

I think that's a great idea!

Northern Living Allowance said...

@Laura - thank you! It means a lot to have such great support here. Best of luck on your journey, too - I'm right behind you! :)

@paradigm - thanks for the support! This (healthy) selfish view has been a long time coming and I plan to indulge in self-love like never before.

@middle way - an excellent point. I'm reading a couple of great books at the moment, which helped me to make the decision that was best for me. I really hope that this gets him thinking and talking with someone he trusts & respects to help him with what he needs, too.

@t'pol - ouch! more than once? Oh my dear, I really feel for you! You're not the first to give me that quote. Sometimes these things are birthed for a reason! I have to admit I'm pretty proud of myself right now, too. Where do I go from here? Anywhere I want :)

@FT - Thank you for your always kind and supportive thoughts and words! :)

And I want to say another general "Thank You" to everyone for being patient with me while I work through this and get off track. 2010 is shaping up to be quite a year so far!

halfdozendaily said...

I don't think it's selfish at all!! A break is a good thing in my belief! You can re-energize, refocus, and really see what you want from life!! Good luck to you! I'll definitely be following along! :)

halfdozendaily said...

I don't think it's selfish at all!! A break is a good thing in my belief! You can re-energize, refocus, and really see what you want from life!! Good luck to you! I'll definitely be following along! :)

The Asian Pear said...

you take care of yourself first. remember, we're here to support you!

Mary said...

What an excellent idea. Good luck. It's about breaking the pattern and 40 days should be long enough for you to clear your head.

Very boringly, I gave up sweets!