Saturday, February 13, 2010

Aaaaand......breathe...

It's over. I honestly don't know if D really 'gets' it - that this is his fault. He says he's done a lot of thinking and, truly, the past several days he's tried hard, but I can't put myself through it anymore. I was literally making myself sick - not eating, not sleeping, clenching my teeth all the time, my emotions all over the map, having to get blood tests, etc.

I thought I could maybe work it out, but the more I tried, the more smacks upside the head I'd get from the Universe. I've had signs coming at me all over the place for over a week now! I can forgive (we're all human and have our flaws and faults), but I can't forget and that's the problem. I've already been more gracious and way nicer than 99.9% of other women would have been. Far more than he deserves.

With the decision made, I feel better. He's already sent me long, heart-felt texts claiming the 'other woman' kept crying when he tried to break it off with her (this is not something I can imagine her doing, to be quite honest). If this is the relationship that's meant to be, then I'll be back. If it's not, then I won't. I'm a big believer in things happening for a reason, particularly bad things. Maybe I'm not supposed to give up? I don't know. What I really hope is that he'll honest-to-god THINK about this, regardless. If I was that important to him in the first place, he wouldn't have done it, so all this is too little, too late.

So, I'm taking my lessons and will learn from them. I have my own thinking to do, quite a lot of it, as a matter of fact. My big girl panties go back in the cupboard and so I know where they are if I need them in future.

I'm lucky in the respect that I have no kids or mortgage with him, no ties - that would infinitely complicate things. It's still hugely shitty behaviour and there's no excuse, but at least I have my own place to be, my own space to take comfort from.

I want to say 'thanks' again to all of you for your support. It means a lot.

12 comments:

Laura said...

I believe in the universe knowing what it's doing too. Although at times I am not sure why I have to constantly be the one the universe is teaching lessons too! *hug, hug, hug*

FB @ FabulouslyBroke.com said...

Congratulations on starting the new chapter in your life.

If it was meant to be, it will be. Karma is such... *hug*

Middle Way said...

It's hard to go with your gut when there are so many emotions swirling around. Good for you for being strong enough to see through it all. Keep well and be kind to yourself. You deserve it!

Canadian Saver said...

{{{hugs}}} Congratulations on your difficult decision... hope things get better for you soon...

Jolie said...

Sending you hugss as you go through this pivotal time in your life.

dinah34 said...

big hugs.

Mary said...

It's been just over a year since I broke up with my long-term boyfriend. It's tough but keep looking forward. Things do get better!

The Asian Pear said...

*hugs*

T'Pol said...

I understand you completely.Forgiving is one thing, forgetting is another. Actually, I am not sure if one can really forgive... I did not.

Spring is in the air here in Istanbul today and I am sending you huge hugs from thousands of miles. Hope this makes you feel better:)

Money Funk said...

Oh, NLA... {HUGS}. We are all here for you. But yes, take it by the balls and have fun with the new chapter in your life. No pun intended. ;)

Frugal Dreamer said...

Wow. Good for you for being so strong!! {hugs}

notesfromthefrugaltrenches said...

((((hugs))))

New seasons in life are ever so exciting!