I'm the focus of an unwelcome crush at work. The fellow in question is a homeless alcoholic and is more often than not drunk when he comes in. He never touches, never makes inappropriate gestures, but always has makes a point of asking me if the clocks are right and what the time is. This doesn't seem like a big deal, but it started last summer sometime. He'd been AWOL for months and one day lurched in, loaded to the gills, and proceeded to hover and harass and not leave me alone. Once bitten, twice shy, as the saying goes and just his presence now is enough to get my anxiety working overtime. Plus, because of the redesign, I have nowhere to hide - we're wide open to the public now. I mentioned this to my supervisor, but it's difficult to know what to do. It's a public building and anyone can come and go as they please. Banning people is next to impossible. I said I would really like an off-desk job, but it's not like you can schedule that around these visits because you just never know when he's going to be in. What can you do? I dislike having my heart race every time I hear the front door open and spending my whole day wondering when he'll arrive, leaving me anxious and tetchy with everyone else.
Perhaps my energy is focused on the wrong thing or the wrong way?
Anyway, that kept my heart rate at a high rate for most of the day, even though he was only in for a few minutes this morning. Like I said, I've never had anxiety before, but I don't like this feeling one bit. The feeling of having to look over my shoulder all the time (so to speak) does nothing to make me enjoy my time at work. This is part of the reason I'm continuing to look for something else.
It doesn't help that I've not been sleeping well for the past couple of months, either. Two or three solid nights sleep in the past 6 or 7 weeks. I'm just feeling exhausted and we all know that game, right?
Then when I stopped for milk this evening on my way home I saw my ex (I don't think he saw me; if he did, he didn't say anything). *Sigh* Rush of anxiety. Why? I don't know. It's been two years for crying out loud. He's moved on, blah blah blah...
There's something(s) I'm resisting or not doing.
But what good happened today?
- bananas for my oatmeal for the next few days! $3.72
- did the dishes when I got home. I'm doing well with getting them done quickly instead of leaving them for days...
- back to one of my regular tasks at last! I've been desperate for something to do since we reopened and I'm so glad to have my main task back
- the weather is at a balmy -17C. Lovely after a frigid week!
- I'm going to enter a writing contest that could win me a trip to Frankfurt, Germany! :)
I guess it's all in how you look at it. I'm going to change into my pajamas now and watch "Consumed" on HGTV. Terrific show and I'm learning good lessons from it.
Have a good evening all.