Update, having rethought my thinks

On the rails to the Summit - the US/Canadian border - from Skagway, AK, May 16.

So. I am not as frustrated with myself these days, having read all the wonderful, level-headed suggestions from my last post and stepping back from it to try to relax a little. There's still some frustration present, but it's (currently) at a very manageable level, and I think as long as I keep talking myself around, I will be fine.

I've just collected my updated debt totals and they look like this (Rev Canada still being a guess at this point):

LOC: $2200.00
Student Loan: $2073.52 (!)
Rev Can: $1627.00

This month's total debt: $5900.52(ish)
Start of May total debt: $6275.00
Difference: $375!

So, progress! More than I thought, but not as much as I'd like. Regardless, I am pleased. I've managed to pick up several extra shifts at the hotel over the next few weeks, too, so that will help immensely, as will the three paycheques I get in July! I have also decided that I must put myself on an allowance. From my reading, it seems that $40 a week is a typical amount allocated with the understanding that you can spend it however you like, but once it's gone, there is no more.

My spending over the past two weeks - from a quick review of my Gail Planner - appears to be 99% food related. Whether it's grocery spends or eating out spends, I'm spending an extraordinary amount of money to feed myself.

Let's review, shall we?

Dentist $140.00 (my bennies kick in Aug 1)
Groceries/eating out $315.40 (since May 8)
Ticket for train in Skagway $30.00 (reg pice $103)
Gas $41.17 (should, hopefully, last me a month or more as I can now ride my bike every day)

I paid for my friend's dinner in Skagway, as she supplied the car & gas and did all the driving, so I thought that was only fair ($50 US from my US account, the rest of which has been redeposited). I've also asked D to be a guinea pig for me as I attempt to learn how to cook, which he was quite happy to do. I CAN cook, it's just very unmotivational to cook for just me, so I just "make stuff" for me. It's actually kinda fun (I know!) and I've copied many dozens of recipes of simple, tasty meals for us to try out. The spicy chicken pizza I made the other night was a definite hit and the blue cheese stuffed hamburgers I tried out at a friend's BBQ last night were pretty good, but need a few minor adjustments (not least to use a different cheese, the mould thing is a bit disconcerting...).

I've also been out enjoying myself and relaxing. This is a rare week in my new schedule where I had 3 days of work (one at the hotel, 2 at the library) and 4 off. It's been great! A day trip to Skagway, a trip to D's cabin south of town, "Star Trek" (WOW), meeting a friend for lunch yesterday PLUS a BBQ in the evening, sleeping in, reading...it's been wonderful. I've not felt this relaxed in a long time.

I'm supposed to be meeting a friend for dinner & a movie ("Star Trek" again) tonight, but although she determined not to change plans this time, it seems to happen anyway. She has three kids and is a single mum, so her plans get changed without any notice. It happens. It doesn't bother me, because I know it's not intentional. She wants to get out as much, if not more, than I do, so I just have to call and confirm.

I've also adjusted my side bars to reflect some changes; some positive, some not so much. I emptied my mad money & house accounts to pay part of my Visa bill and pay down my debt. I'm okay with this because that's what the mad money is for (spending "madly" on something(s) I want) and the house account is not really getting anywhere at this point, so once I've paid down my debt, I will focus more intently on this.

As for making changes...I decided NOT to touch any other accounts to pay down the debt. At least right now. I feel more comfortable having my cushions in place than I would having to put it all on my credit card, then having to worry how to pay it off. Again. My friend's suggestion was to keep saving, but halve the amount I save each month and put the rest toward the debt. I was saving $300 a month and have halved that to $150. On top of that, I halved that, so that I'm saving $75 bi-weekly ($150 a month);$25 each to three different accounts each time. So once a month, each account gets $25. It grows more slowly, but still grows. I'm going to implement the allowance I mentioned above, and get seriously disciplined with my jars, using any leftover money to throw at debt instead of splurging at Tim's...

Happy Mother's Day!

To all you mothers out there, I hope it's lovely, whatever you do!

Frustrated

I am very frustrated with myself these past few days/weeks. I have all the tools (and more!) that I could possibly need to get my spending under control and my debt paid off (before the year is out), but I seem to be lacking the one thing that I need most of all: self-control!

My spending just goes on and on and on and on...so much at this point that I have no cash left in my jars (two weeks' worth gone 2 days after pay day - a record!) and just enough in my chequing account to cover my auto-withdrawals, but that's it. The thought of 'no cash' makes me nervous. I get antsy and then just feel the urge to spend MORE to compensate for my "lack" of being able to buy.

I make new plans and change them. I then change those plans and determine that I won't change them again...but only after I adjust this number or that amount. Part of it is wanting to do too much all at once: I want to get out of debt, save for a house, buy a new(er) car, continue my studies. I get too excited and end up failing at all of my goals instead of just plodding along with baby steps. I've never been particularly patient in that respect. I'm not alone, I'm sure.

So I'm really struggling to stay focused at all right now and I think that's part of the problem. I spend too much time "thinking," instead of just "doing" and letting the proverbial cards fall where they will. I have to be a lot easier on myself, too, and remember that it's not as easy getting out of debt as it is getting INTO it! My current savings (vet, travel, house, etc.) would clear my Canada Revenue bill or most of my LOC, so it's tempting to take that and apply it to my debt. But then I think, I've worked hard to save that much to my accounts, so why should I? (Sense of entitlement, anyone?). Never mind that I see the conflict in that while I'm saving, but still owe someone else, I'm not really ahead anyway, despite what I tell myself.

If I add in my current EF savings towards repayment of my debt, I could get rid of two debts, minus about $100, leaving me with just one to tackle. I'm not entirely comfortable with this as I don't really like the thought of not having an EF on standby, but I know that without debt, my savings will grow faster and better than they currently are (on trickle).

Essentially this is what my debt/savings look like (not counting my RRSP as there's no way I'm touching that):

Debt Total: $6275
Savings Total: $3554 (incl EF)

Debt Total if full amount applied: $2721.

My mother has also said she'd give me some money towards a car: approx. $2500. Assuming I applied that to the debt, instead of a car right now (sorry, mum!), then I would owe only $221! I could clear that in one paycheque. I could, in a sense, be debt free by the end of May or June.

I know you all understand my ramblings, so I'm asking for suggestions, guidance, thoughts. What would you do? What have you done in the past? I know I posted a similar ramble a few months ago, but I this time I really need to make a black & white decision with respect to this because it's making me crazy.